guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
