6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
