apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
