is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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