Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
