maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
