mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
