be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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