im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude. I can hear the air.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
