I bet he comes in French.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
