On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
