For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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