we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
