So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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