Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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