I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
