There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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