Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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