Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize