so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
