He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
