Yo dont text me then not text me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
