I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
