When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
