Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
