Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
