Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
