Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
