brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
