You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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