She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
