I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
