and she was petting her beer can
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize