I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
