My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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