If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
