Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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