Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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