it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
