my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
