why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
