She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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