i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize