I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
