he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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