Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
