no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
