There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
