Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the liver wants what the liver wants
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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