After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
