you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
