I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
