Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
