New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
