ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
