Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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