Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
