I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
