apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
