I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize