I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
