I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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