the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize