So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
