It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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