Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
