CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
