Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
