dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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