just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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