i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
