did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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