I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
