No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
