Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
