I will die if light touches me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
