Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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