i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize