please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
