you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
