Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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