we have pet lesbian snakes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Less talking, more tequila
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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