whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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