Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just gargled with NyQuil
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
