is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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