like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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