Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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