Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
