I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
