She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
