I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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