I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
