i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
someone owes me an orgasm
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
