just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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