Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
