This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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