I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
