Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
