My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
