You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
