Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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