Screwed.edu
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
