My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
