I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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