you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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