So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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