Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
