ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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