Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize