Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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