Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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